Negativism and “Wild” Days
Face the Difficulties
Proceed with the Day
Balance and Diversions
Review Time (No Blaming!)
Own Your Own Crabbies
3-4 Positives for 1 Negative
When Children Carry On
True Confessions

Bottom line - there will always be those occasional tough days.

As a CrabbieMaster it is your goal to not have “a bad day,” but some days ARE tougher than others. Some days you may even feel like this CrabbieMaster stuff is all bogus if:

1. You are feeling down.
2. No one is listening to you.
3. You seem to be the only one that cares about all this Get-Along stuff.
4. You are sick and tired of trying so hard to “Bee Nice!”

First of all, know this:

Being a CrabbieMaster does not mean being a doormat that the children (or anyone else) can walk all over.

“No hierarchy” isn’t just so the kids will feel like THEY have a say… you matter too! You are as entitled to as much respect as anyone else.

So, here is what you do – “Say how you feel, BUT DON’T BLAME.”

And, here are a few guidelines on how you can do it:

Two Types of Tough Days - NEGATIVISM and “WILD”

What The CrabbieMasters have found over the years, is that it truly helps to know which kind of tough day it is. There are different dynamics driving each type of day, and how you deal with the day will work best with the appropriate approach.

Negativism is predominant when there is too much whining, bickering, complaining, and overall negative attitude about everything.

Here it seems best to work together to identify one or more of The Crabbies that may have snuck into the house. It’s time to think and act out (role-play!).

The reason this works is that the children generally can settle down and listen. Talking about things and making a plan together to “BEAT The Crabbies!” is fun teamwork!

“Wild” days are when children seem to be ‘wired’ – running, jumping on furniture, unable to sit still, loud voices, etc. NO MATTER what you say or do, it just doesn’t register – they keep on being Wild.

This is different. Teamwork won’t work right now. They’re too wound up to listen and follow through without turning right back to being wild. You need to take charge - gently, respectfully, but seriously. You need to decide on the plan and TELL THEM what it’s going to be.

Remind yourself that they and you are on the same team, but that you still need to pull in the reigns; otherwise, someone can literally get hurt because of the uncontrolled behavior.

Another option is to divert their attention to another activity – maybe one that is naturally ‘quieter’ like a short cartoon or coloring.

There isn’t much you can truly count on to lead to a quick fix. Be prepared to hang in there for awhile. You will be glad you did in the long run. Over time, you will be able to work together better and faster.

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FACE THE DIFFICULTIES

Call a meeting together, keep the #1 Rule to “Bee Nice!” in mind, and say how you feel using “I” statements:

“Whoa…I feel like The Crabbies are trying to take over.”
“Oh, oh…The Crabbies are starting to get to me.”

Avoid blaming or name-calling statements:

“Hey, quiet down! You’re driving me nuts!”
“What is wrong with you today?!”
“Why are you being such a wild animal today?!”

Hopefully, things haven’t gotten too far out of hand so that everyone settles down quickly and quietly enough to talk about what can be done.

However, we are talking about a tough day here, so they are likely to carry-on with whatever has been going on. This just means that you need to be an even more skillful CrabbieMaster - an Ultimate CrabbieMaster or a WiseOne, probably even an ULTIMATE WiseOne!

But no job is too tough for you - “You’re a trained CrabbieMaster!”

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PROCEED WITH THE DAY

Don’t wait too long before you bring in the excitement of getting rid of The Crabbies. You can run and exclaim, “It’s working! It’s working! I think The Crabbies are out of here!”

This is a great way to quickly reinforce the positive, plus, it’s a good set-up if things start going bad. Be on the alert for this so that if they do go bad you can make it fun to get back on track by warning the kids with, “Oh. Ohhh. I hope The Crabbies aren’t coming back!”

If this all sounds a little crazy, our absolute best recommendation to you is – with all due respect – “Get over it!”

As a matter of fact, we have a question to ask you
(in good CrabbieMaster humor, of course!)

"Did you try drawing smiley faces on your feet yet?!"

Certainly there are other ways to do it, but the key point that we want to stress here is the importance of taking seriously the idea of not being too serious – as long as things keep moving in the right direction.

Again, this does not mean that you tolerate children to continue or return to being mean, or disrespectful, or abusive.

As long as it is on the tough side, just keep trying to use all these guidelines!

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BALANCE and DIVERSIONS

The more fun you have with the children, the more ‘down time’ you may all need to keep things in balance. No one can keep up high energy all day without eventually turning ‘negative’ or ‘wild’.

Ideally, each day should have some balance built into it so that no day gets too far out of hand. If you find yourself in a pattern of ‘good’ days, ‘negative’ days, ‘good’ days, ‘wild’ days…maybe you aren’t creating enough balance in each day. Our good old friend Too-Tired knows just how and when to take advantage of this pattern. Stop him before he even gets a chance to start!

Once you are on a roll with all this CrabbieMaster stuff, most days will be pretty
smooth and you and the kids will be having lots of fun. But if you encounter a situation where you could use some down time, remember, a quiet break for a short video tape or TV show is not a bad thing if you don’t overdo it.

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REVIEW TIME (NO BLAMING!!)

Once the day is over, take some time to think things through - what went wrong and what can you do to manage it, or even better, prevent it. This is not a time for blaming anyone, yourself included. It’s a time for reflection, identification, analysis and thinking through other ways to deal with tough days in the future. A CrabbieMaster sees what went wrong and focuses on fixing it…NO BLAME!!!

Sometimes you just have “one of those days” and there is not much you can do about it. But in many cases there may have been something you can identify that triggered the events of the day. If you can’t figure it out, let it go until morning. A good night’s sleep may shed some light on it.

The next day, it is important to bring up the previous day's events to the children. They must know that it is important to get a handle on what happened. Most importantly - no lectures, no blaming.

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OWN YOUR OWN CRABBIES

Sometimes you will find that you were a bit off base and ended up contributing to
the turmoil by losing your patience because “they” were being so wild. If so, think
about giving yourself a chart.

Remember, if you own your own Crabbies, children are much more apt to own their own Crabbies. It’s easier for them when they see through your example that it’s not a blaming kind of thing, but instead a good way to learn and make fewer days difficult and more days more fun.

It is especially important that children do not see charts as punishment, but as
aids to help them get past difficult behaviors. Maybe it’s something that’s become
a habit, or maybe it’s just something that made for a difficult day:

• Taking someone else’s toy and teasing them.
• Talking sassy.
• Hitting. (Including hitting back!)
• Biting.
• Refusing to nap.
• Not trying.
Etc.

TIP: Whenever you suggest a chart make sure it sounds like a great
idea to help them and everyone else to all have a better day and that it is NOT seen as punishment for misbehavior.

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Major Critical Tip: 3-4 POSITIVES FOR 1 NEGATIVE

The CrabbieMasters remember hearing somewhere that in order for people to feel ‘even’ in terms of compliments or praise versus criticisms, they need to get about 3-4 positives for every negative.

Be sure you find good things to say on a regular basis. This creates a solid foundation for your relationship with each child so that when the need arises to deal with making things better, it’s more easily accepted.

The positives can be as easy as a pat on the head and a “good job”, or a simple
compliment for good behavior.

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WHEN CHILDREN CARRY ON

It is important to note that even though those darn Crabbies can stir up a great deal of trouble for children (and adults), they are no excuse for being disrespectful, acting out, or hurting others.

All of the ideas, guidelines, and tips are here to eliminate The Crabbies as often as possible in order to keep these kinds of behaviors from happening.

When CrabbieControl works…GREAT! It’s been a fun, positive, gentle way to keep things on track.

On the other hand, if negative, hurtful types of behaviors don’t respond to CrabbieControl, parents and teachers have the responsibility to put a stop to it regardless.

If this is the case, it’s time to take charge, obviously without being mean or abusive. Essentially, stop everything. Suggest that there be a quiet time – yourself included. If they refuse to settle down with you, by all means keep your cool. You don’t need to get mad. No yelling or blaming is necessary. Just be matter of fact about it. Firm, serious, but gentle.

This is not as easy to do in the heat of the moment as it sounds in theory. It definately takes practice. If you do accidentally yell or blame, be sure to admit that you were wrong. Let these be good learning experiences, and in time you will have fewer and fewer of them.

Left unaddressed, misbehavior can turn into a habitual, even ritualistic routine:

Child misbehaves - you get upset and yell - child gets sassy to you or someone else - you get more upset and threaten to punish - child gets so upset that he or she screams or even hits.

Repeating this routine won’t work in the long run. It may seem effective if the child initially responds to the threat of punishment, but it creates a long term relationship based on fear and negative reinforcement.

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TRUE CONFESSIONS

A friend who grew up in the depression used to say, “You never know when you have it good until you have had it bad!”

We also love the saying, “A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.”

Learn from all of it. Use every bump in the road as a learning experience. And most importantly, make it FUN!

Like most people, we were taken in by ‘crabbiness’ way too often, and got to know it way too well before we came up with the idea of The Crabbies (almost accidentally).

The great news for us is that over many years, literally every child responded
unbelievably well to The Crabbies! As the saying goes, “Necessity is the mother of invention,” and with a preschool full of 3-5 year olds… whew!... did we have a necessity!

Always keep in mind that handling tough days well is extremely rewarding. Over time, knowing that you’ve become better and better at it is also rewarding… ...deeply rewarding!

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